The Hersey's Kiss is the epitome of satisfaction. The Hershey's Kiss starts out as a liquid that looks like a very thick puddle of mud just after a storm. The substance is transformed into a solid like holds the shape of a pyramid with beautiful curves. The elegant figure is wrapped in a wrapper that resembles diamonds. The skin tight cover is topped off with a lovely white tail, the signature feature of the candy. When it is opened and consumed by a consumer the feeling is inevitably great. The smooth chocolate grazes the taste buds and sends a tingly feeling down your throat. The best part is that that feeling can continue as long you eat more.
I like your description. I like the metaphor of the kiss being an elegant figure.
ReplyDeleteWatch being repetitive (like consumed by a consumer and looks like a very thick puddle of mud, wrapped in a wrapper)
Be direct and just say, "The Hershey's Kiss starts out as a liquid, a thick puddle of mud just after a storm." Delete words like 'very' as they don't add to the description.
Be more concrete in your first sentence...an epitome of satisfaction is still abstract as I can't see or smell or touch satisfaction.
I love your last sentence...memorable...:) SBS